21 September, 2006

'ScapeGoat

Life is so interesting....

I continue to have these interesting cosmic side-trips lately (more so than usual). And, I continue to ponder and contemplate the past several weeks--the good, the bad and the ugly.

Today, I started out with hearing the song "What I Did For Love" from "A Chorus Line" and the song suddenly had a deeper, more real meaning for me. My visceral reaction triggered an oxyoronic physical response of feeling as if the tears were coming; and yet another part of me not exactly resisting them but moving away from them. Different.

Later today, I had the privilege of serving as a minister in an Animal Kinship capacity--to be of support for a friend whose cat was very ill and needed to be put down.Serving the animals with pastoral care was what sent me back to ministerial school back in 1994. It was a tender thing that this was a reminder of that calling. It is such a blessing to be there for the animal and their caregiver at such a delicate time. Our animal companions are so amazing and so selfless in their service to us.

Got home late tonight and was checking quick e-mails and my Daily Word popped into my mailbox for tomorrow. I decided I would read it in advance of the morrow and use it as a closer for today. Here is the Unity prayer:


Today's Daily Word - Friday, September 22, 2006
Free
Living in the present moment, I give expression to my divine nature.
There is a ritual of atonement told in the Old Testament in which the collective mistakes of the people were symbolically placed on a goat. Then the goat was set free in the wilderness. Tradition held that, free of errors, the people would then move forward with a clean slate.
Like the people described in the story, I may have something in the past that seems to be holding me back. Now is the time to be free of it, and I can be by turning to God in prayer. I relax into the presence of God and know that the past has no hold over me. Releasing all feelings of resentment and regret, I am living in the present moment with a clean slate on which I write affirmations of my freedom. I am free to express my divine nature, and I do.
"The goat shall bear on itself all their iniquities to a barren region; and the goat shall be set free in the wilderness."--Leviticus 16:22

The AHA Moment.
Now I understood how the term 'scapegoat' came about. Of course, I understood it's meaning before, but didn't know it's history. And I have certainly had my share of feeling and/or being the scapegoat since coming to San Diego. Some of that experience was valid and real; and some of it was my pandering in the drama of circumstances. No matter what the situation, this Biblical understanding now confirms to me the necessity and viability of my no longer being at Pacific Church. Being a scapegoat isn't necessarily a bad or a negative thing--it can even be positive. Now that I have been set free in the wilderness (not a bad thing for a wild woman) Pacific Church and I can be free of errors (anyone's errors) and move forward with a clean slate.


Now that is really animal kinship at it's finest.

RDD

19 September, 2006

Potpourri

I remember when I first saw the word, POTPOURRI.
POT Pour ree? Huh?
I didn't realize it's meaning. It was the name of a West Hollywood boutique during the 60's; along with another boutique called PROPINQUITY
both "P" words. Interesting, huh?

But I digress...

So today's blog is about a potpourri of miscellany.

Am I one of of those rare birds who is easily entranced by the mystery of the minutiae of life? The little glimpses into the invisible fabric of the cosmos? Let me expound...

One of those quirky quantum moments while driving home last night.... Ted Leitner was reporting on tonight's Padres game and mentioned the Diamondbacks pitcher, Snyder just as the light changed on Texas and I saw out of the corner of my eyes a building site that said R.A. SNYDER. Simultaneously. What are the odds? And does it mean anything?


I appreciated how my Intuition told me where to go to shop tonight. I was in search of a new pillow. And had been to the usual places. Something said try Macy's Home Store. this is not one of my usual stores. But OK, I had no time contstraints so I walked over there after being at Target. And lo and behold, there were some really high-end pillows ON SALE. Way cool.
And now I just remembered, this very process happened to me a few months ago when I was looking for a specific airport travel case for Rev Michael for his farewell gift. That was the first time I had been to Macy's and the rolling case was also on sale that day. I always make sure I laud my 'higher self' for guiding me.

I was opening up today's mail and the TV was on in the background. There was a man doing a "guest perspective" on the local KABC station with some editorial essay. He began with a quote from one of our premier poets, Walt Whitman PRECISELY the time I was opening a beautiful greeting card sent to me that had a quote from... Walt Whitman on the front photo. And to add to the mysterious timing, this card was actually sent to an old address and forwarded to me and I received it this morning.

Are these moments just sweet reminders of the universal thread that weaves us together? Or is there some unique significance I hope to uncover? Potpourri for my ponderings.


And then there's the human side:
My Kaiser appointment was 5:45 with a requested 5:30 check-in. Got there early but one could not check in before 5:30 as they were transferring shifts. People milled in and most ignored the sign. THere had only been one man there in the waiting room when I arrived. So in theory, we would have been first and second in line. Then more people arrived. At about 5:24, these other people got in line--ahead of the first man and I. I noted how I was not amused by this. It seemed rude. And then I realized how weird it was that I was getting slightly peeved. What's the big deal? I let myself watch my reactions. The quiet voice in my head said it didn't make a difference and more than likely, each person had their own appt. time and their own nurse or phsycian to see not based on the placement in line to check in. And how would the subsequent people who arrived know who was or was not here early? The human mind and ego can be quite entertaining.

Off to uncover further threads in the string theory of life.

RDD

17 September, 2006

Cyber Sermon of Sorts....

Well, you can take the girl out o the church but you can't take the church out of the girl..."
Something about needing to express and it was Sunday and... well, the following blog borders on being a talk I might have given on a church Sunday.
(nb: if you are among my readers who didn't or don't like the way I did church, do us all a favor and stop reading now.)
Pull up a pew and proceed at your own discretion, Thank you.


"I have to admit it's getting better, a little better, all the time." The Beatles.
"Feeling stronger every day". Chicago
and my anthem, "I will survive. As long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive." Gloria Gaynor

This has been an interesting time for me. I have not been unemployed for over 8 years. I haven't had this many days off (not counting when I was sick) since I got to San Diego. That is both disconcerting and wonderful.
Ministry is pretty much a 24/7, 365 day kind of job--even with the occassional conference or brief vacation;for me it was almost like being a parent-- you never fully disconnect. And it is no different now.

Sure, I don't go into the office on a regular basis and this was my third Sunday in a row away from delivering a sermon. (They say that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit--- I am closing in on that.) A habit? No, wait, I wasn't a nun--ha ha ha ha. But I digress...

Leaving Pacific Church was a rather abrupt exit and not much opportunity closure for anyone. I knew that to move through this, I needed to hibernate for awhile--not be out being social, no phone chatting, etc. Didn't want to make small talk nor answer big questions. Animals go off and lick their wounds after battle and I was no different. I knew that I needed to put a moratorium on my heart for awhile til I regained my bearings. I was a mixture of emotions. There were people who love(d) me and people who betray(ed) me. (Notice which I listed first). And I am smart enough to know there were people that felt I betrayed them along the way, too. Some felt that way in my arriving at PCRS and others felt that way in my leaving. Such is the nature of the beast.

So I began doing what I know best to do: spiritual practice. It's funny but the first few days of my 'new life' I acted like a teenager. I knew I could sleep in if I wanted to. Nyah. I didn't have to sit and do my meditation the first thing if I didn't wanna... Double nyah. I could do what I wanted. Well, what I wanted in my heart was to continue the charge I came to San Diego to do. I wanted to teach and lead by example even if I was no longer officially bound to do so. I knew that I had to be the change I wanted (and my exit was to generate) to see at Pacific Church. That meant more prayers, more contemplation and inner work. More forgiveness acrosss the board.

Yet, I know the power of what can be done with intention This time, I work at staying grounded and connected in ways that I can. This blog and my e-mail is a primary source of reaching out. I remind myself to continue to stay at choice about all of it--from when I get up, to how I fill my day and my thoughts. And that is a good thing.

To continue my musical bent, and with a nod to Ms. Joni Mitchell:

"Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at CHURCH from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its Church illusions I recall
I really dont know Church at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at Church from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its Church illusions I recall
I really dont know Church at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all."

Better...not, bitter.

... better...it is getting better all the time.

with love (after all, there is nothing else...)

RDD

City Slackers

No, I did not misspell the title of this post. Yes, I was playing off of the comedy film title, "City Slickers" about a bunch of...