During my talk on Sunday, I mentioned that right now, for me, it feels similar to the cycle of time when I am growing out my hair and it is at an in-between length feeling unruly and unattractive. Only last month, my hair used to be easy to style and I know how nice it is going to look when it gets longer; but for right now, hand me a baseball cap.
Are there baseball caps that fit around one's life?
For whatever cycle or phase I am moving through it feels unruly, unattractive and the frizzy bits are sticking out. For the most part, everything looks just fine and blessedly, there is no real drama or crisis but there is a lot of shtuff to manage and I feel less than fluid in my attention to all that requires my time.
This morning, I took my walk around the Pleasant Valley High School track to get my mile in before heading off to work. Today is also the first day back at school. (As a kid, I think I might have liked the idea of starting back to school earlier in the summer and in the middle of the week.) As I was walking around my first lap, I see hordes of young people heading my way to the field. Two groups position themselves in the bleachers and two adults with clipboards stand before them taking attendance.
Taking attendance... I had forgotten about that daily action item. Listening to other names being called and waiting to hear if they said my name correctly and pondering whether or not I would answer back with "Here" or "Present". I was never the type to just grunt my reply that would be bad form.
I quickly ascertained that these kids were not going to descend on the track and nor were the teachers going to usher me off. Yet, I felt oddly self-conscious. Then a rebellious streak began to emerge and I started to contemplate ways that I could act-out on the field so that the students would see me, be distracted and amused but the teachers would not know why because I would resume normal behavior before they turned around to see what was causing the commotion.
"What? Me? I'm just walkin' here..."
Maybe some of the inbetweenness and growing (up?) pains comes from just having a birthday last week, the anniversary of my mother's death and in preparing to attend an unofficial sixth grade school reunion this weekend. My perspective is very contemplative as I stand on what feels like a bridge between eras of time, space and people. Emotions are running high in both directions as I revisit so many memories and feelings and possibilities.
Meanwhile, I am heading in the right direction and continue to look for attractive hats.
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