29 April, 2013

Mental Jukebox

When I was in junior high, after school we would hang out at a Winchell's Donuts Shop. Not because I like doughnuts (I don't) but because friends could sit and hang out there for hours having something to drink while talking and putting nickels in the tabletop jukebox machine to listen to our favorite songs.

Perhaps, this habit had an influence on me today as an adult because there is some unique inner wiring in me that often 'pulls up' a song out of nowhere and starts playing in my head.  It isn't a song I just heard on the radio the day before, or may not have heard for months. I have come to learn that it is more like a cosmic jukebox that turns on to play songs that I need to listen to so that I may pay heed the lyrics and to pay attention to the song as a personal inner message. 

A few nights ago, it was the Cyndi Lauper hit, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."  It was playing as muzak in the back of my mind and during my dreams.  I sat up that morning and muttered "Oh, so girls just wanna have fun, eh?" Yep. I got it right away.  I have been bemoaning the lack of fun and joy in my life lately.  Waaaaah. it's true. I have become a stick in the mud.  My only fun is going to Costco on a Friday night and watching the DVR episodes of "DWTS", "Castle", "Modern Family" and "Pysch".

"I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls just want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun.
That's all they really want
Some fun"

Once again, I realize that I have been working too hard and not playing enough.

Then I reflected on a similar instance two weeks ago while working at the office.  I had Pandora playing on my computer and the Beatles classic, "HELP!" came on and for some reason, I really heard the lyrics.  Now I have heard that song a gazillion times in my life. This time, it felt personal.

Okay, so the universe is getting my attention. I'm listening.
"Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

It's not fun to realize that once again I have put myself  into overdrive where it feels like the wheels are stuck in the mud and no matter how hard you try, you just keep spinning.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

As one gets older and as we take on more and more responsibilities, we often forget the simplicities that made life easier and well, more fun.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

This really isn't about needing someone or something else outside of myself.  When I get to this 'stuck' place, it is about me taking stock of myself: my habits, my actions, my thoughts and my feelings.  I am the only one who can get myself back in gear and moving forward again with ease. Along with that, it is about my willingness and flexibility to reach out for more connection, for more support.  And my making sure that I giving my needs and desires as much attention and intention--if not more--than I give to anyone or any where else.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me."
Lest, you start to worry about me, I can tell you that I have already begun to be the change I wish to see in my world.
"When the working day is done
Girls-- they want to have fun . . .

Ohhhh, I just wanna have fun.

The fact that I am writing this post today is proof of that. 

City Slackers

No, I did not misspell the title of this post. Yes, I was playing off of the comedy film title, "City Slickers" about a bunch of...